bragging, not blogging

i am not blogging. i am bragging. it's not a journal. it's a log.

this little space i think rarely captures the truth about me because i refuse to put it out there. what comes out is a casual reportage of events combined with highly processed (and somewhat diluted) thoughts and emotions. this space is too conscious of its audience.

i wear my heart on my sleeve but, like anything that's actually part of my outfit, i care what i look like to people. and so quarrels, mishaps, disasters are downplayed to little misunderstandings and disappointments. doubts are shrugged off to mask a fledgling faith. insults (to those i care about, at least) are omitted altogether.

so anyway, what i'm saying is that a semblance of success, happiness, faith, fitness, and maturity is attractive. friendster photos, profiles, testimonials, and blogs put our life on display and i think many of us try to create an image of how we want to be perceived. but i will speak for myself. i DO make myself and my life as attractive as possible. because i DO have a reputation to uphold.

what do you do when you don't have anything good to report? what if you had something bad to say about someone that you're sure reaches the blog? the option i always choose is to keep it to myself. publish some sanitized version drained of the alchemy that makes it shocking, hurtful, real.

so for all the blogstalking we do to our friends, we still might be missing something. especially if you're friends with pretentious people like me. but if we meet, i think i'll be up to give you the real deal. let's talk soon. =)