sour times

it's crazy, but i've always wondered what it would be like if karl and i got on each other's nerves. it's inevitable, but i couldn't really visualize what could possibly happen (you know, happy times and all).

and then it happened.

saturday was his workday: quiapo shoot/terno recordings launch at saguijo. i decided to tag along. and then my sister, who didn't want to mope around at home, decided to tag along too. while having a hearty jollibee lunch before the shoot, he found out he had no photographer for that evening. i volunteered, and was hired.

i wasn't able to help around much with the shoot, and i couldn't listen to the interview either, since i was entertaining my sister. after scoring some cd's at quiapo, we head home for a quick shower and the camera before going to saguijo.

my parents harassed us the whole night about bringing the car.

lala and i shopped at the i love you store while we waited for dinner to be served. that was fun. i wanted to buy silver & black boxing shoes and/or pink flat boots with fringe. too flashy, so i'm still thinking about it. lala bought a brown & gold snakeskin clutch. nona picked her up and brought her back.

karl interviewed toti dalmacion. he was surprised that i was also from a record company aside from being his photographer. he said he was interested in up dharma down, and i told him about our 106 project. the pressure relaxed after the whole ordeal.

we enjoyed the rest of the evening (except for brian cua), especially since taking photos took me away from him only one song per band. drip, juan pablo dream and brownbeat allstars were great. we saw goo and ackey and his friend paolo. while waiting for my sister and poised to leave, we chatted with wawi. then poof! it happened.

he told me earlier we didn't have to finish everything, but by then, my sister arrived, my mum was hounding us, toti wouldn't let us leave, and i was on the verge of throwing a tantrum. both of us were strained by this whole terno class photo and we couldn't wait for sago to join them, there wasn't enough light or enough space, he stopped a police car from entering the frame in his haste, and i left him to steam in the car while he took leave from the host.

half-assed apologies ensued in the car, and were left to be made properly (by both of us) yesterday morning, after which we both slept the whole day. whew! i'm glad that's over!

wonder if i should...

as a reactionary move to may's teaching plans, i'm putting here my teaching fantasies. (may's comment space is just too private for me. i think i should just broadcast my whole brain right here.)

i always see myself teaching in holy spirit, and i think i could do the high school media classes. our old media class sucked ass. i didn't learn much about how tv, radio, newspapers, magazines, tabloids, films, the music industry, and new-media (internet, sms) ventures really work. and now, being involved in show business/with show business types just makes me want to preach the evils of the system, like how marketing/political agenda taints both entertainment and news/public affairs, how people are plastic, and how, at least in manila (or for anyone who wants to be big in the capital), it's who you know and how much you pay. and it's the power you can wield too - being gatekeepers, being trendsetters - how that power can be gained, but must be balanced with some sort of conscience. then there's the difference in ambitions and objectives: indie vs. corporate. and the little things: perks like free anything & everything, but the horrible hours, the chain-smoking, the gay language, the danger on the field. i guess i'm just hoping that if they actually learn these things, they'll be better media consumers (i.e. turn off the tv if nothing good is on), and know what they get into if they decide to study them further in college.

ambitious, but hey, that's me. for all i know i'd get in trouble with my syllabus.

a rarity:

i spent friday night at home. well, most of the night, at least. i met up with mark at CMC then had dinner with my parents at chocolate kiss. i watched the nirvana dvd and the junior kilat dvd. poor kurt, hilarious cebuanos.

i was the only daughter to come home on saturday night. i left early for deng and chely's anti-human trafficking shoot, saw my first published photos on manila bulletin, lounged around and posed next to naked, got dragged around by mommy paul, waited for karl whose hand had a starring role of feeling me up, had lunch before we excused ourselves for the rest of the day. we passed by UP to hang out a bit with the poochers after the applicants' final prod. at home, all beds were empty. when i woke up, mine was the only one inhabited.

i listened to a great homily in the middle of glorietta yesterday. on how to pray. on how prayer, sacrifice, fasting, abstinence and penance during lent are essential to celebrating easter. on what it means to have a spiritual life. i think i was really lucky to have attended that mass. it makes me nervous though, that i might put that sermon to waste. everything's so easily said, but never done.

there's something about going to office

i'm getting a tad lazy.

i don't really know if it's putting in nine and a half hours a day, five days a week. i don't know if it's commuting. i don't know if it's schmoozing. i don't know if it's selling stuff i don't like. i don't know if it's being everyone's assistant.

it's being beholden to people. it's the fear of being criticized. it's the paranoia that i might lose their money. it's the pressure generated by everyone around you. it's not knowing my place. it's being controlled by office and industry politics.

sometimes i think i fool myself into believing that i'm all right with the system, that i'm a good girl, that i can play the game too. sometimes i can accept the fact that i have to kiss up to people. (well actually, i've never been a sweet student. i just know not to offend the powers that be.) so why can't i just keep my head down and go about my work? because i'm in marketing, stupid.

as karl would say, why do we have to be raped and sodomized professionally?

i wonder what it takes to have free time. i wonder what it takes to have enough to raise a family. i wonder what it takes to have a retirement fund. i wonder what it takes to live this upper middle class lifestyle. i wonder that what it takes to be my own boss.

i wonder what it's like to have responsibility.

what will make me happy with myself? what will i enjoy doing daily, and pay? what kind of responsibility and how much can i handle?

success is being paid enough (or lots) to do what you love, or making enough money to indulge in what you love.

so am i successful?

maybe i'm just damn selfish.

angst aside,

it's a done deal. my sister's getting married. the other one just became single. pamamanhikan and break-up all in one (sun)day.

the day before that, my sisters and i got fitted with the couturier for the wedding, then proceeded to shop. karl and i had an early dinner at jollibee and dessert at likha-diwa, then met merv at glorietta. we watched pedicab and drip at saguijo, where the i love you boutique had a girl who didn't know vivienne westwood. La Vie Poseur. ugh. oh, but the bands were great. raymund marasigan's a genius, a real all-around dave grohl/perry farrell kinda guy. beng's really sexy, even her voice. karen carpenter cum thurston moore. too bad she was only singing with machines though. they need real instruments, methinks. drums most especially. hostile crowd and restaurant crew (and it brought out my uber violent tendencies - visions of poseurs and waiters being kicked in the nuts, pumped feet stomped on and drinks spilling and glasses breaking, all by my doing), so we headed over to big sky mind, where hank greeted us with much enthusiasm and an atmosphere of weed. yeah. peace, love, happiness.

the day before that, i dressed up to meet karl's friends in a skirt, in UP. i brought a lot of stuff, which to my dismay, i had to lug around the metro in an impromptu radio tour. karl gladly met me at a nearby mall, where the supposed friend would be, but it was all a fluke. we still ended up in UP for the night.

valentine's went up in flames in three cities, as everyone would know. and my long dusty commute touring more stations and uneventful evening with the grammy's was very fortunate compared to people who witnessed or experienced the blast (e.g. an old poetry class friend who had to cover the news, and an SM clerk who almost rode the bus that exploded).

anyway, i watched constantine last night. very bad movie. very bad plot. very bad acting by keanu reeves. impressive start, horrible progression. many incomprehensible bits. garbled speech. with no voice-overs throughout, they suddenly ended it with a voice-over. what a waste of beautiful images. tsk, tsk.

oops. that was still angst.

schmoozing angst, part 2 or 207? i forget

in the continuing series of the girl who had to kiss up...

this seems to be something i cannot escape. especially since i am an adprom. to go around radio stations: commute, kiss, kiss, grovel, kiss, kiss, rinse, repeat. oops. wala palang rinse. this is all sweat and dust and blisters. to sell music: street cred and community vs. radio payola (witness here!), media influence, mall shows and unit-moving. this is what karl has deduced after our talk with lighter records. the difference of how we live is uncanny. i wonder if i'd like to work like that. sounds very inviting. not so sure about my high-profile achiever self, though.

this seems to be something not even my friends can escape: may, anne, aissa. why must we associate with people we don't like. worse of all (for me, may, and anne especially), we have to please them!!! so no, may, you're probably not anti-social. and yes, aissa, there is a point where you'd rather not be friends with someone even if there's nothing wrong between the two of you.

i get bothered that this is the living i've chosen for myself. content-seller, not content provider. is everyone really just peddling goods? a product, a service, a talent, oneself? and are those who pass it on at the mercy of their hired salesmen? (it feels as if this salesman is at the mercy of the employer. maybe they feign power and eliminate bad salesmen before they get busted.) are there things that actually sell themselves (the way mark tesch characterizes lighter records' music)? how far can one bend before they've prostituted themselves or their wares, in the name of wealth, comfortable living, a retirement fund or some such upper middle class ideal (which i hold dear, i must admit)? how long can one sustain the bohemian (or whatever carefree) lifestyle that one clings to? or how long must one hold out before she can afford the carefree life she wants?

or is it just that i'm an a&r gal at heart? ack, i don't know.

cebu, cebu! lalalalalala-lalalalah!!

officially the best weekend ever. the theme? sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. minus the drugs. we weren't very aggressive in trying to score some, though it would've probably been an easy feat. more accurately, it was a valentine trip masquerading (or doubling) as a writer/photographer venture.

flying is now kind of problematic. the air pressure when descending (or anytime it fluctuates) affects my ears badly. like headsplittingly badly. like i had metal parts in my head and the plane was taking over my system. one nut lodged in the ear, one near my eye and sinus, and another in my upper set of teeth. i cried while entering cebu. crrrazy. karl had me drink paracetamol, a lot of water, breathe and yawn a whole lot just to get it under control on the way home.

thursday evening, february the third. alex, mark and gavin of lighter press/records pick us up from the airport and takes us to dinner at kahayag cafe. very good pizza and spicy chicken wings c/o vlad. and our hotel (golden peak) had a tub!

on friday, we have brunch at a nearby cafe, and walk to ayala center to buy some supplies for staying in. early evening saw us eating at flame it!, a flame-grilled burger joint, too stuffed to eat dessert in the next-door bakery. after very impressive talks with mik-mik and mang junks of backyard project studios plus the rest of "stupid jazz"-band smooth friction, inferiority complex to cio the business day photographer, and belly-rubbing a little dachsund called jamaica, we headed over to kahayag to watch, interview and photograph the christian rock band still. there i was pleased to find my wards from dub/reggae band junior kilat one song before the end of their rehearsal. tip-top shape. once again, very good tea and spicy calamares from kahayag. it was too late (and we were too full) to have our treats at postrio (that very enticing dessert place).

a courtesy call was in order on saturday, which meant lunch with bliss - karl's friend's girlfriend - at their family restaurant cafe verde. we each had a hefty serving of baby back ribs and dessert, which sadly made us ineligible to visit postrio (again!). we walked over to mango square where pre-concert interviews were to take place, only to find out we were too early. to the hotel and back, where we had dinner at a confusing dimsum restaurant called dimsum break. we watched, talked to and photographed pointblack, faspitch, the ambassadors, kadangyan and urbandub. and junior kilat too, of course. happy to say that karl liked them. P.S. cebuanos don't mosh. and yet again, too late to catch postrio open.

sunday was THE day for postrio, and that quaint cafe for brunch, except that both were closed, so we ended up at flame it! again. that was alright, since the place has hotshots-quality burgers, hotdogs and fries. whoohoo! at mid-afternoon, we checked out to join alex, mark and khalil to eat at the AA grill. very large iced tea, very good liempo and the sawsawan (yay! taglish. nyuk!) with sliced cherry tomatoes and chilis in them. we met up with cio again before heading to the lighter press/records office for their formal interview. lalay of urbandub and kadangyan joined us, and we received old lighter press issues and pendants from kadangyan.

and so we head back to manila, the where the harsh environmental and cultural/attitudinal pollution await. we should've sent back clones!

P.P.S. watch out for karl's articles and possibly my photos on the manila bulletin, the manila times, fudge, press and business day.

back from the hiatus

i'm back, and i have one hour only to blog. hahahaha. that should be enough on a normal day, but no... this is my comeback!

anyway, what happened is that my PC at work conked out. poof!-- just like that! i shut it down normally one evening, and the next morning, it wouldn't boot. anyway, the motherboard was singed (i think this one's been around since 1998 at least), so i waited for the office to get a new one. so now i have a new one. i simply refused to use what little time i have at home blogging instead of talking to my sisters or my parents, or to friends over the phone.

so i've been trying to catch up on everyone else's blogs, and i am pleased to find out that everyone's been inspired to put something up. and i welcome a new one to patrol: karsones! cute ones, deng and chely! i shall save up for those. as of now, many purchases are already waiting to be made.

let's start from the top:

on the last weekend of january, we entertained a putumayo executive who came to check on our marketing and sales, and help us as well. i bailed out of friday evening and the rest of the weekend. my bosses were teasing me because they knew that i didn't want to join so i could make my own plans. well of course, i wouldn't miss destino 3 for the world! my first time without a role in the event, and the first time with a date. apparently, it's not very fun that way. though it was nice to see everyone again (especially shari) and to show karl myself on video. apparently, it's pretty tiring to shift around on the grass. we took a walk in the middle of the movie and retired early. the following night, karl brought me to the gods of metal gig at caliente after dinner at likha diwa. i met a cool band called sea of rains. aside from them, the only other band i actually liked was death by stereo, who has a vocalist who does senti-OPM stuff. hahaha. cool beans.

so by then i was very antsy about my cebu trip, and thankfully i had enough to do, like service a new single, go around the ayala center to ask shops if they'd like to play putumayo, and go to a meeting for a noontime show. oh, and try to contact aleck. wonderful. haven't made headway till now.

stay tuned for part 2.