enterprise is not one of my virtues

it is no doubt that i have too much time on my hands sometimes. most of the time actually, it seems. otherwise, how else would this blog be expertly kept? it has often crossed my mind that i should try to make money on the side with this time instead of, um, blogging, um, reading, and uh, maybe drawing a bit. but i do have reservations about it.

first of all, what else can i do? help make events. not my cup of tea. too much of a pull-my-hair-out kind of challenging. write. about what? certainly not about music. very unethical. tsk, tsk. food? i'm not a picky eater. don't know much about evaluating the quality of ingredients and the finer points of preparation. fashion? there are too many fashion writers. art? have too little history in me. travel? i'm a prisoner of this office! actually, that's probably the bulk of it. i'm trapped here. to go out would betray my two-timing, to stay in would limit what i can actually do with idle time. there's not much else i can do on a desk aside from research, write, talk on the phone. and having to be on that desk at 8am everyday limits field research (in favor of personal health, of course).

i've been offered to write though, of course, but not for media. concept papers for businesses, events and other projects find me, but nothing materializes because the initiators are all high on ganja too often to think straight, communicate clearly to me, and follow through on their plans.

i'm quite uneasy to be an artist middleman, though it seems to be stress-free venture. so far the best idea i've heard is to take photos and sell them. i'll have a test run and hope that it'll be the start of dragging my slr around once again.

to tell you the truth, aside from all these practical hindrances, i am a bit lazy. i'm attached to the lack of pressure, to the relaxed pace of my day. i'm concerned that if i accept another task, i might compromise my work for one reason or another. and i can't because i'm being paid for it.

am i not ambitious enough? it'd be nice to have bragging rights and credentials. i do want to do many things, but i have this linear mind that says, "one at a time, one at a time."

ah, to be bored.