schmoozing angst, part 2 or 207? i forget

in the continuing series of the girl who had to kiss up...

this seems to be something i cannot escape. especially since i am an adprom. to go around radio stations: commute, kiss, kiss, grovel, kiss, kiss, rinse, repeat. oops. wala palang rinse. this is all sweat and dust and blisters. to sell music: street cred and community vs. radio payola (witness here!), media influence, mall shows and unit-moving. this is what karl has deduced after our talk with lighter records. the difference of how we live is uncanny. i wonder if i'd like to work like that. sounds very inviting. not so sure about my high-profile achiever self, though.

this seems to be something not even my friends can escape: may, anne, aissa. why must we associate with people we don't like. worse of all (for me, may, and anne especially), we have to please them!!! so no, may, you're probably not anti-social. and yes, aissa, there is a point where you'd rather not be friends with someone even if there's nothing wrong between the two of you.

i get bothered that this is the living i've chosen for myself. content-seller, not content provider. is everyone really just peddling goods? a product, a service, a talent, oneself? and are those who pass it on at the mercy of their hired salesmen? (it feels as if this salesman is at the mercy of the employer. maybe they feign power and eliminate bad salesmen before they get busted.) are there things that actually sell themselves (the way mark tesch characterizes lighter records' music)? how far can one bend before they've prostituted themselves or their wares, in the name of wealth, comfortable living, a retirement fund or some such upper middle class ideal (which i hold dear, i must admit)? how long can one sustain the bohemian (or whatever carefree) lifestyle that one clings to? or how long must one hold out before she can afford the carefree life she wants?

or is it just that i'm an a&r gal at heart? ack, i don't know.