anxiety

There was a priest who, in a sermon, pointed out one of the many neglected mini-prayers in Holy Mass: “…free us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope…” He said that anxiety is a wasteful emotion, and a display of a lack of faith.

I have been anxious the past few days observing the routine in my new job. There are things I see that I’m not sure I like. For example, everyone seems to extend regular work hours. Or, that people aren’t in a hurry to take their lunch hour. In the past, I’ve been so used to moving in a pack, the whole office taking off at the same time. The level of discipline in this place is something that I’m not used to. After taking it easy both at UP and in my first job, I feel nervous about the rigor that I am facing.

This disturbs me because it reminds me that I have a tendency to be lazy.

I see my friends and they work hard. They say things like “they hired you so you have to prove yourself;” or “I know I like spending a lot, so I make sure I earn the money.” So they toil away, and I feel guilty having these feelings of anxiety toward labor and other sacrifices associated with it.

I’m reminded about the last photo shoot I was able to watch on America’s Next Top Model, where the girls had to portray the seven deadly sins. Britany was playing Sloth, and Jay was telling her to think of the things that weigh you down or hold you back. I thought it was a good way of interpreting sloth. In the sinner’s mind, these are the things that justify the sin. And I am guilty of this.

Karl reminds me that so far, I have never let myself down in my endeavors. I’ve been trying to pray for a stronger will and some faith in my intuition so that I don’t keep second-guessing myself even before anything happens.