past the small talk

"i need to find my bearings," said anne.

we all do.

welcome to the starmaker machinery. we'd be happy to suck you into our blackhole of small talk and plastic smiles. and perennial shopping. and practically kissing piolo pascual via your coffee bean & tea leaf drink. and kissing everyone you work with.

both anne and i are trying to fight that blackhole, that's why we decided to get together and talk just like we used to. too bad it was quite a short time. but home is home. it feels like it whether you stay 5 minutes or 5 hours. so here's what i took from anne:

because of the stark difference of my attitude with people who have been in the industry for a long time, i feel a lack of control of my situation. i cannot influence anything right now. and i keep wondering if i have to turn into them for me to gain that power. but what kind of change or movement will i effect if i do turn into them? it won't be change at all. it'll be... perpetuation. hegemony. yorks. sounds too ambitious huh?

but i do believe that we can dream that big. our generation can, because our parents gave us the luxury to. once they're past survival, we can try to make a difference, can't we? or is it better to go through the challenge of surviving even if they can provide us a means to leap?

oh, and should i stop growing at 24? it's very amusing to see people like that, who are so alive and carefree way past their youth. but it's nerve-racking if you get a family and stuff like that. i mean, it's not right to just want to stop early just because you have money already, but i do want to be able to be a comfortable old hag, if i reach that age. in any case, i don't think i'm the type to stop growing anyway. even now people think i'm old. great.

hmm... so much for having bosses who think about clothes and shopping. as for anne, she'll survive her showbiz life. and she'll find us when she needs to find her bearings again.