my downfall

...is possibly a small detail that my friend karl pointed out but i think it really makes a major difference in relationships:

i don't mean what i say.

can you believe it?! i don't even do it on purpose. (well, i'd better not, or else that's just a mean mind game.) i never even realized how often my messages are misconstrued. could this possibly be a reason for messy or failed relationships and dealings? are my semiotics different? (freak!) am i just a scatterbrain? do i just speak too soon? when i'm faced with a question, i feel compelled to answer, and maybe i lose the capability to organize my thoughts and choose my words effectively. even if the person gives me time to think, if i know he's waiting on the phone, or staring at me for an answer, it seems that my mind freezes. maybe i'm just too polite. in trying to be pleasant and avoiding being offensive, my tame words are actually different from my intended message. i was told that i'm better at revealing my real thoughts/feelings over sms. how inappropriate is that?!?!

this is such a big deal for me. i'm a frikkin' communication student!! what's wrong with me?!?!

...ah, all in the quest to be better.