here goes nothing

you know it's a bit too much when you start dreaming about work, just the way i did when i was an intern at mtv, dreaming of filling out waybills for betacam tapes to be sent to singapore. now it's charging terminal fee at the gate of junior kilat's bar tour, and such absurd worries cropping up in my sleep for the past two nights. but logistics and penny pinching are a bitch, and worry is my expertise. even having fun at times like these, though opportunities abound, still push me to the edge. (yes, this day and age not only pressures you to excel, it pressures you to have fun. after all, what good is your life if you don't enjoy it? FLAUNT IT TO THE WORLD THAT YOU'RE ENJOYING! it even creates venues for flaunting all the fun you're having, like friendster, and blogs. my ambivalence on these media have been repeatedly expressed.)

all the spritual avenues to un-learning worry are so difficult, even if i have it down pat in theory. Leave it all to the Father? Meditate? this is what will make my alma mater ashamed of me: after 11 years in a Catholic school, i have not effectively learned how to pray.

but, no bother. what matters is the here and now. and i'm off to deal with it!