Today is graduation day at my fashion school. I'm going to the newest mall in town to watch the fashion show and I'm having a Miwako moment (as in Paradise Kiss - yes I watch it). For those who don't follow the program, Miwako, a fashion student and sewer, was explaining the dynamics of the atelier, where her friend George is head designer. While she has the skills to construct garments, she usually feels insecure beside George's and her sister's talent. (Her sister has a popular brand of clothes as well.)
I'm very excited to see what my classmates have created but at the same time I feel jealous that I'm not showing. My own insecurities are manifesting. I keep wondering why I chickened out of this when a batchmate who is employed full-time and engaged found the courage to participate with only two months to prepare. I do wonder if her advantages are truly great: financial wealth to fund the endeavor, a chauffeur at her beck and call, a home sewing machine and intermediate skill in operating it. Is my handicap too overwhelming? 15 to 20K out of the bank is very substantial to me and it's hard to be motivated for weeks working till 10PM at school, buying dinner, catching the train or waiting for a cab, pleading with dad to pick me up. Don't even mention going to Divisoria. Karl even said he couldn't promise all his support.
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